ARIES
Spicy, spicy, spicy–metaphorically, that is. These fire signs are capital P PROVOLONE PICCANTE, a cow’s milk, spun-paste cheese from the Po Valley. Natural-born fighters, these rams are quick to pick up arms–and just as quick to drop them. The same is true of provolone piccante, which, though it really looks like it could take you out and has “piccante” in its name, is really not so spicy after all; it’s just shaper and saltier than its younger counterpart, provolone dolce. Aries are hot-headed, impulsive, and temperamental, yes, but they also wear their hearts on their sleeves and, at the end of the day, really just want to feel all the feelings. In Italian slang, someone who’s a “provolone” is a real flirt, and Aries certainly are emotionally forthright. Arguments are just entertainment for them, and they’ll never run from a challenge, whether mental, emotional, or physical. Furthermore, provolone is best as a table cheese or sandwich cheese. It’s never grated or melted: it is what it is, just like a forthright Aries.
TAURUS
These hard-headed earth signs are ASIAGO, a cow’s milk cheese that can only be produced on the Asiago plateau in Veneto’s foothills, where the cheese making tradition dates back more than a thousand years–and that’s on being steadfast like a Taurus. These bulls deeply value security, and, as such, they’re pros at getting a return on investments, whether romantic or financial (ever wondered why the symbol of Wall Street is a bull?). Tauruses are renowned for their durability and resilience, and Asiago–especially the Stravecchio type, aged for two years–is firm, robust, and easily withstands the test of time. These rock-steady signs are stubborn in their goals–and everything else, for that matter–and aren’t hesitant to roll up their sleeves and put in the work. That said, there are few that appreciate the luxurious and the comfortable like Tauruses do; they’re certainly pros at treating themselves, whether it’s a warm bubble bath or a gooey grilled cheese with Asiago. The Taurean sensuality is easily matched by the sumptuousness of this cheese: sliced, cubed, grated, and especially melted, Asiago adorns sandwiches, salads, and, our favorite, pasta bakes. What could satisfy a Taurus’s cozy quota better than that?
GEMINI
Ah, the twins. Hot and cold. Sweet and salty. Just like RICOTTA and RICOTTA SALATA, the product of pressing, drying, and salting fresh ricotta. (Disclaimer: we know that ricotta isn’t technically a cheese, but we love it too much not to include it.) Geminis, represented by the twins, are intrinsically dual, though this doesn’t mean that they’re two-faced. Ricotta (salata) too is divided along a binary line: fresh ricotta is dreamy, soft, and spreadable and sticks to the realm of sweet. Ricotta salata is tough, salty, and needs to be grated: it covers the savory side. A Sicilian favorite, ricotta is stuffed into a whole team of desserts: cannoli and cassatas, crispelle and granita. Ricotta salata, on the other hand, tops salty preparations like pasta alla norma and Sicilian salads. Just the way ricotta can adapt to many a dish, Geminis can adapt to the energy of a room: they have the ability to be the flittiest of social butterflies or the droopiest of wallflowers. Playful and curious, Gemini juggle hobbies, careers, and friends–and we really can’t think of any other non-cheese cheese that has its hands in as many preparations as ricotta does.
CANCER
Cozy Cancers find their equal in CACIOCAVALLO, a southern Italian classic. This stretched-curd cheese is said to have gained its name, which literally translates to “horse cheese”, from the way in which it’s matured: two cheeses are bound together by rope and then hung straddling a horizontal beam like two horse stirrups. Though the cheese doesn’t really look like a stirrup at all: people more often refer to it as teardrop shaped. Fitting, considering Cancers are emotional. These water signs are highly empathetic individuals who easily pick up on the emotions of others: if you cry, they cry; if you laugh, they laugh. Heartfelt homebodies to the core, Cancers enjoy alone time, but deeply appreciate having a close partner: there’s a reason why caciocavallo comes in pairs! But the most important reason why caciocavallo and Cancer are such a match is because they’re wholesome, hearty, dependable. The type of friend to stay up late drinking tea with. The type of cheese to grill or pan-fry, as they do in Calabria, so that it becomes soft and gooey on the inside and develops a crispy layer on the outside. (Turns out caciocavallo’s boundaries are as sensitive as a Cancer’s!)
LEO
For these regal lions, there’s nothing else but the King of Cheeses: PARMIGIANO REGGIANO. These bold and proud individuals are known for their confidence and self-assured nature, and what holds its own more than Parmigiano? Attention-seeking Leos love the spotlight, and Parmigiano certainly has it. Easily Italy’s best known cheese, Parmigiano is beloved globally–so much so that it’s inspired knockoffs all over the world. Leos too like to take a mentorship role and shape mini-mes (think Glinda from Wicked)–that is, as long as their trainees don’t usurp their thrones, of course. Even so, Leos are generous and warm-hearted, quick to smother you in affection in exactly the same way copious mounds of Parmigiano should be grated over any pasta (except seafood pastas, obvi). Parmigiano adds an extra lil something, something to every primo, and Leos also add a little sparkle to any room they enter. They’re pros at becoming the most likable person in the room, even if they’ve just met everyone. At the end of the day, despite their cockiness, what’s not to love?
VIRGO
These diligent earth signs always put in 100%, and so does PECORINO ROMANO–100% sheep cheese, that is (sorry, was that joke too cheesy?). Virgos have a strong desire to be of service to others; they’re often willing to help out, assist, and support without seeking recognition or accolades. But this means that it’s easy for these earth signs to feel underappreciated. The same is true of Pecorino Romano, the humble workhorse of Italy’s pasta contingent. The sheep’s milk cheese hasn’t enjoyed the same international limelight as its northern neighbor (*cough cough* Parmigiano), and yet–dare we say?–we might even prefer it on pasta. Cacio e pepe! Gricia! Carbonara! Pecorino Romano is the titular ingredient of these pastas, and yet it remains as down to earth as a Virgo. You can lean on Pecorino Romano in the kitchen, and Virgos in life. Their dependability and reliability are truly unmatched.
Carbonara
LIBRA
These air signs are easily matched by MASCARPONE–a cheese as luscious as a Libra. This creamy, smooth cheese, which hails from Lombardy, is most often used in desserts: you know and love it in tiramisù, but you can also find it in Italian-style cheesecakes and other torte. (Fitting for the zodiac’s sweethearts.) Just like Libras, this dreamy cheese has a gift for turning even the simplest of things into something luxurious. You’d be hard-pressed to find a disliked Libra–or someone who doesn’t like mascarpone and its derivatives, for that matter–though this partially comes down to their people-pleasing tendencies. This makes them wonderful friends and partners, though it’s easy for them to put others’ needs before their own. Mascarpone is easy to spread–and does get slathered on toast and between layers of lasagna–a cheese-coded way of saying pushover. And Libras are nothing if not pushovers. But, if they don’t know where their boundaries lie, it’s only because they deeply value peace, balance, and diplomacy.
SCORPIO
Scorpios can be pretty imposing. So can TALEGGIO. A large square with blotches of grayish mold and an intensively funky aroma… on the surface. Scorpios are often described as intense and passionate individuals who tend to approach life with deep emotional power, focus, and determination–traits that often earn them a bad rap. But go beyond the rind, and you’ll find that Scorpios are fiercely loyal and brave, bolstering their friends the way Taleggio strengthens the likes of polenta. Taleggio also has a flavor at odds with the first impression it gives off; mild with a fruity tang, the soft cow’s milk cheese, which dates back to the 13th century, is complex and mysterious, just like these water signs. Scorpios are associated with transformation due to their connection with the mythical phoenix, and the cheese too has a story of rebirth. Taleggio originally went by the name stracchino, referring to all cheeses made with excess milk, but, in the 20th century, restaurateur and Val Taleggio local Amilcare Arrigoni led the charge to rebrand the cheese, differentiating it from the other soft cheeses of the Bergamo area.
SAGITTARIUS
These fire signs talk a big talk and walk a big walk… but, when you get down to it, they’re really just big ole’ softies. The same is true of FONTINA, a pungent cheese with an intense flavor produced in Valle D’Aosta (if this isn’t ringing any bells, you may have had a fontina from derivative production elsewhere in Europe or the States, milder than the original). But, although this cow’s cheese is quite hard, it melts more than easily. In Valle D’Aosta, fontina is most often found in fonduta alla valdostana, a cheesy pot similar to fondue, but richer and with a custard-like texture thanks to butter, cream, milk, and egg yolks. It’s a dish meant to be shared–fitting for open and sociable Sagittarians, whose sharp tongues can make them funny favorites. However, Sagittarians are pretty sage (as it were), though they don’t know everything–how many of you knew that the earliest depiction of fontina comes from a 1480 fresco in the Issogne Castle?–and should be cautious about coming across as arrogant know-it-alls.
CAPRICORN
At first impression, Capricorns aren’t all that exciting–and neither is STRACCHINO. But to leave it at that is to do these earth signs, and this cheese, a great disservice. Stracchino, also known as Crescenza, has origins that date back to northern Italy and the regions of Piedmont, Lombardy, and Emilia-Romagna; the name of this soft, fresh, tangy cheese is believed to come from the Italian word “stracca”, meaning “tired”, as the milk is taken from the cows who’ve come down from the mountains at the end of the long summer season. Well, hardworking Capricorns tirelessly go after their goals and will shoot for greatness no matter how humble their origins. Capricorns take their commitments seriously and are reliable and dependable–and the same is true of stracchino. The cheese always has your back, whether in a piadina from Romagna or alongside coccoli and prosciutto in Tuscany. And, once you have a bite of the latter, you’ll see that stracchino, and Capricorns, really do know how to let loose. (Further evidence: a Capricorn quip has serious tang, just like stracchino!)
Coccoli at Fattoria di Maiano
AQUARIUS
These independent thinkers are a perfect match for GORGONZOLA, the funkiest cheese on the (Italian) block. Lombardian legend has it that a cheesemonger, in a rush to meet his lover, forgot some fresh curds in an open vat overnight. In an attempt to fix the mistake, he added some more curds; a few months later, a bluish mold began to grow, and–voila!–erborinatura was discovered. It was an invention worthy of innovative Aquarius; these forward thinkers are often ahead of their time, after all. Aquarians are known for their offbeat beliefs and style, and we wouldn’t be surprised if there are more than a few Aquarians whose rebellious dyed hair matches gorgonzola’s blue streaks. These air signs are not inclined to conform to societal norms simply for the sake of fitting in; in fact, they much prefer to stand out in a crowd, and there really is nothing else like gorgonzola in the Italian cheese canon!
PISCES
These shapeshifting water signs get the beloved cheese that most easily changes form: MOZZARELLA. Knots, braids, balls, little balls, mini balls–there’s no shape they can’t do! These are the artists of the zodiac–and of the cheese world–and there’s no medium in which they don’t excel. Piled on pizza margherita, stuffed inside supplì, layered in lasagna, sliced in a salad known as caprese. You can even count stracciatella (strands of fresh mozzarella soaked in fresh cream) and burrata (a casing of mozzarella filled with stracciatella) among its ranks. Like a mozzarella, Pisces’ (creative) juices are always flowing. Pisces are givers–they’re just so compassionate!–and it’s easy for them to accidentally overextend themselves. These fish should be wary about spreading themselves too thin; like mozzarella, they’re best in thick, oozy slices. “Mozzarella” derives from the verb “mozzare” (“to separate”), referring to the last stages of the cheese’s creation, though we’d like to think it signifies that this is a cheese meant for sharing. And, if there’s one thing Pisces know how to do, it’s share… overshare. Whether it’s the weirdly specific dream they had last night or their childhood secrets, you’re gonna know.
Mozzarella di Bufala
